Despair

I hate the Serenity Prayer.....I threw away the plaque of it I had on the wall.

It seems like such a cop-out.....

The courage to change the things that I can...and the wisdom to know the difference??

Screw you, Serenity Prayer.

I don't WANT to have the wisdom to know the difference. I don't want to think about the fact that my 6 and a half year old cannot speak in sentences...that his articulation is impossible for most people to understand.... I don't want to think about the fact that he PANICS in the Panda House....or that the newest medication they are trying is making it worse...

He looks tired, and anxious this week on this drug...and if I turn away for too long, he stomps his foot in the toilet, takes his toast and makes confetti out of it and throws it around the house...or runs down the street naked.

The WISDOM to know the difference?????

I know I should be concentrating on the highlights of the day....
* He's learned to dive wayyyy down under the water to get at his precious sinking watering can.
* He told the therapist to "Go away" so clearly that we both were delighted!!
* He learned to swim in the ocean this summer...

But once in awhile, as I watch him in his isolated world....not part of the groups of other kids playing their games and having their conversations...he can't even begin a conversation...

I despair...not often....just once in awhile...

Lord give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things that I can
OK, and the wisdom to know the difference....
But don't take away my hope that my son will some day....

have a real friend that he actually talks to some.....
speak in sentences....
stop wanting to stomp his foot in the toilet anytime I'm not behind him....

and SCREW the wisdom...I HATE the wisdom.

The Serenity Prayer just absolutely sucks.