POSITIVE BEHAVIOR INTERVENTIONS/PRAYING FOR GRACE ALL OVER THE PLACE

Fortunately, there is a new category for those dealing with kids with autism, and it's a category that we all can learn from. It's called Positive Behavior Interventions.

What it means is that when you have kids with behavior problems, you use positive strategies and language to decrease unwanted behavior and increase desirable behavior...here are some of the basics; taught to me by patient special education teachers (Betsy), awesome psychologists (Janet), you know, those types....

1. Never use the negative in your instructions...always use the positive (Betsy)
Don't scream...."NO don't run!!"....scream, "Walk" and then "Yay! Great Walking!"

2. Take the undesirable behavior (such as spitting on windows, running away in parking lots, making tiny crumbs out of food substances, peeing in public places, falling to the floor to tap the shiny surface of the tiles, spitting water 4 feet high in the baby pool (ick), grabbing the food of others...uh-oh, is this getting too personal?) and find an ACCEPTABLE OUTLET THAT SATISFIES THIS NEED.....like...let's see...ok, you CAN spit in the bathtub......and you CAN make crumbs out of the green onions...so that we can cook with it...and you CAN tap on this Bongo drum, rather than so many other surfaces...and you CAN use this spray bottle to "wash" the windows and piano rather than spit on them...and give loads of praise for these alternatives.

3. You may need to take some sort of anti-anxiety drug or "patience" drug to help you be more effective in these Positive Behavior Interventions.

4. It might be a good idea if your relatives or friends give you some "down time" so that you can MAINTAIN your positive behavior intervention approach.

5. You will need to have some sisters who can just laugh their asses off at all of it.

Here are some situations to consider:

1. You have gone to a restaurant and gone to the bathroom, leaving the behavior of your child to a relative (No Mary, this is not about you...not everything is about YOU!)....you come back and on the table is a PILE OF CRUMBS THE SIZE OF THE EGYPTIAN PYRAMIDS.....In order to do a POSITIVE BEHAVIOR INTERVENTION at this time, you need to be able to say: 1. All done with crumbs....clean up crumbs 2. physically prompt your child to clean up the crumbs and then say 3. good job cleaning up crumbs....chips are for EATING!! (remember, no NOS, no DON'TS, and no NOTS....)

2. You are at the pool and your child is getting in the babypool and spitting the water in 5-foot-high streams...you....A)remove your child from the pool? B) Scream bloody murder? C) Pray for grace??? Uh-oh, I'm sensing some frustration here. Breathe?

3. Let's see now...you go to a Mall, and your child falls on the floor to tap the floor, testing the sound and quality of its "tappiness"...do you A) Scream bloody murder and run out of the mall? B) Praise your child for the quality of his tapping on the mall floor? or C) Tell him that the mall floor is dirty, to please stand up, and wash his hands....Where? Do You Have Sanitizer? Well, aren't you just the perfect parent....well, then use it, for Christ's Sake!! OK, chill dude.

4. Ok, there's a great show at the Circus and you are parking in the lower part of the deck....you get out of the car and your child completely freaks out....bites the heck out of his hands and wrists and shows EXTREME ANXIETY AND SELF-INJURIOUS BEHAVIOR in this situation...you really, really, want to go to this show. What will you do? A)Put him in a stroller with an anemone which you know will calm him down-even though he's 6 and folks will stare B) Drag him kicking and screaming through the parking deck C) Run off and pretend you don't know him. D) Bite your own wrists and put yourself in the stroller and demand that he push you?

My sisters laugh at all my efforts at POSITIVE BEHAVIOR INTERVENTION....I walk into the kitchen and there's honey everywhere, I scream, "HONEY is for EATING! CLEAN UP HONEY!" We briefly wet paper towels and "clean honey" and he happily goes on his way...I go into the laundry room...it's flooded and there is soap everywhere, I think "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" but I yell, "The washine machine is for washing clothes!!! Clean UP!"
Sometimes I fail at Positive Behavior Intervention....Tommy peed outside of the principal's office again the other day and I ran shrieking "NOOOOOOOO DON'T PEE PEE OUTSIDE AT SCHOOL, ONLY AT HOME!!!" He cried and was so hurt...He can't understand why it is ok to pee outside at home and not at school? (sigh) ....

I go into the living room and wonder how one person could have created so many "crumbs" out of so little. I wanna scream, "DAMMIT, WHAT'S UP WITH THE CRUMBS??????" but instead I yell...."BAGELS ARE FOR...." and he fills in the blank...."EATING"....and wanders off.....

I catch him spitting on the piano and I want to scream: "FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON"T SPIT on the PIANO!!!" but instead I say, "Dry mouth..." and he repeats, "Dry mouth" and frolicks away.

And the truth is, these little interventions do work...slowly but surely, they do. Because these kids are going to doing odd repetitive little behaviors for a long time, and they are going to get yelled at...so bless them, and let it be positive, so their souls can thrive.

But it's good to have 3 sisters laughing at it all...and keeping me laughing some too.

I Met the REAL Rainman and asked him how to help my son

Meeting "the Rain man" in Person with my usual cry, "Help, help, what to do?"

Could it be we've come full circle?
3 years ago we would not have dreamed of watching the movie "Rain Man".

Not when you've just had a son diagnosed with autism
and one of you has just only seen a brother with it who was left behind...after thirty years?
very much like Raymond Babitt (the character in the Rainman).

But yesterday I found it at Goodwill (along with a perfect Abacus and a pair of Steve Maddens)
and thought...you know, I really want to see this 22-year-old movie. For the first time!

And you know what? It was OUTSTANDING. Dustin Hoffman absolutely NAILED the essence of autism in so many ways. No, my kid is not a card counter or calendar genius...yet :)
But the lack of reciprocity in conversation, the visual obessions with things like power lines, angles, flashing lights, abstract shapes....the interior life that seemed to dwarf all exterior attempts to bring it in and harness it...and yet the impossible knowledge that this person can hear you very well, but just isn't wired to care to respond...and the work it takes to bring that reponse as a regular thing.

Tomy Cruise's frustration with all the little repetitive behaviors of Raymond. His swearing when Raymond would suddenly run away! (been there...) His frustration with Raymond's refusal to answer questions. His initial impatience but final acceptance of Raymond's compulsions...

His annoyance with Raymonds need to spin things constantly (Thank You...)

His love....the love he developed for Raymond and the understanding of him...ok, 3 tears...right there at the end....that's all.

But for the most part, and very much to our surprise, 3 years later, WE CAN LAUGH AT THIS STUFF!!

I saw the real Rainman (Kim Peek) speak at an elementary school near the house last year, with his Dad, his sweet old dad who has supported him (and tolerated him and you might need to watch the movie again to understand what that entails....or you could also spend some time with Tommy :)....The audience got to ask him any history math question about 7 different topics. Dates, sports records, etc. He got all of them right....all of them. His memory was unparallelled in human history as far as I've read...

But after the lecture....when I spoke to him in person, I asked him, "How can I help my son learn to communicate better? Do you have any preferences on what interventions are out there these days?" and he mumbled a completely unrelated, incoherent answer that was totally absurd in view of my question. I thanked him and walked on out, a little teary.

After watching the movie, for the first time last night, I realized Kim Peek was much like a radio...one-way--and stuck in that mode with most people. Though his father was able to get much out of him because of their many repetitious routines...

But as for the movie, Rainman, I will definitely add my own real-life Oscars: a 5th...and a 6th Oscar to the original four it received in 1988. My real life Oscars, go to Kim Peek, the real Rainman, a man who could read 2 pages at one time using both eyes, the extraordinary man who passed away last week, and another (plus the Nobel) goes to his dad, for sticking with him all those years, in a way that Charlie Babitt (in the movie) was not able to do for Raymond. It really is a testimony to the love strength, and perseverance that a father can have for a very special son. I will never forget their appearance together at Woodland Elementary School.

Rest in Peace, Kim Peek. and God Bless Your Dad.