A University of Washington study this year found that mothers of children with autism have higher levels of stress than mothers of children with other developmental disabilities. The findings were a surprise to many, who expected that disorders that required the most help with daily living skills like dressing and bathing and required the hardest physical work would be the most stressful.

But it turned out that the problem behaviors associated with autism were what caused the stress levels. 3 years ago, I would have scoffed at this study. This year, I totally get it.

They did an experiment with autistic subjects in the 70's in which they put them on a grated floor and shocked them when they did their repetitive behaviors. (yes, unbelievable, but true). And the behaviors increased.

The compulsions to do the behaviors are incredibly difficult to manage, and they are constant. Most kids with autism have about 4 or 5 "things" that they are just dying to do at every given moment!! These behaviors change and morph over time, but when one disappears, another pops up to take it's place. Many are very similar.

For Tommy, right NOW, they are: pouring out any liquid in sight onto a hard surface (the dog is continuously dehydrated)....spitting a neat 4-5 drops on a hard surface, pouring sand, tearing anything that can be torn into crumbs into crumbs and sifting them on a hard surface (food is a favorite)....spinning anything that it is possible to spin (yes, even a tea-bag, my friends)....jumping as high as possible on whatever is available, darting quickly from one place to another instead of walking, walking bath and forth across the piano, tapping and beating hard surfaces with his hand (bought a great bongo drum!), asking repetitively for food, throwing large things down to hear the sound they make (God help me, he just discovered that plates break into A KIND OF CRUMBS), running away suddenly, constantly turning lights on, and resisting sitting while eating--he wants to take a bite, run a circuit and make crumbs, take a bite, run a circuit, and make crumbs...

This morning I got back from letting the neighbors dog out, and he had poured Aunt Jemima syrup all over the floor and table and was rubbing it on his stomach, happy as a clam.

I hollered and he cried....and then I felt bad.

The thing is, they don't do it to be bad or to make you mad. They are just utterly, unbelievable compelled. So you try to find outlets! You swim and swim, jump and jump, find things he can make crumbs out of without getting yelled at, choose a few large things he CAN throw on the floor, make him fill the dog's bowl back up, mop up the daily flooded bathroom, dustbust all the crumbs all over the house, pray to God he never walks on anyone else's piano.....and love him completely.

So yah, the University of Washington study? I totally get it.